In the year leading up to September 11, 2001, I remember very distinctly thinking about the experience of war and how people of my generation had never lived through one. Then came those events on September 11th. I called a friend, who was still in bed asleep that morning, and said, "Turn on CNN. We've just gone to war." And I hung up. It is now the middle of 2008, and I've had more than my share of experience with living through a war. I've now seen, heard, and felt what it is like. I don't like it at all.
Now, I have very mixed feelings about pulling out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Did the Taliban government need to be replaced? Absolutely. But I have no doubt that we, the people, were lied to in order for the government to garner support for the invasion of Iraq. Part of me says, "We can't just pull out of there. We have to clean up our mess. We have to finish what we started!" Another part of me says, "Stop. Enough." Right now, I have no clue who I'll vote for in the upcoming presidential election, because, for me, pulling troops out or staying there is my primary issue, and I have yet to reconcile that.
I had forgotten this song for a bit, even though I love it. It says so much, so simply.....
Fab-o. Barely 9:30am and I've already had a ton of mistakes I've made pointed out to me. I realize it isn't the end of the world, but I wish my supervisor did. She's very intense. Cut me some slack! I've been here 4 months!!!!! It isn't like I sit here all day screwing around. Plus, it doesn't help that she was out for 8 weeks of those 4 months due to emergency surgery, and my other coworker (who knows all this stuff and is a fantastic help to me) frequently calls out due to child care issues. I'm trying my best. Plus, my throat is killing me from allergies. Feels like razor blades. Can't drink any java either. I really need something to cheer me up, but I don't know what.
Maybe........
Or....
Too much of everything going on. I haven't even had time to think. In the past 2 weeks, I've:
1. Dealt with a dead snake and a dead mouse at my parents' house
2. Driven out to Western Maryland and back (and I'm not sure I want to do that again)
3. Had no air conditioning in 100+ degree F weather
4. Blown $4,000 on having a new central air system installed in my house
It's been a little busy......
I’m a movie junkie. Here are some recent movies I’ve seen that I would recommend. They’re listed in no particular order.
Superb performances by two amazing actresses. Many levels of manipulation involving the main characters. The movie reveals a lot about class distinction that still exists in the minds of some people.
2. The Mist
At first, I had no desire to see it. But, alas, I couldn’t reject seeing Thomas Jane in something. The movie is a little frightening, and, of course, there are the requisite scary creatures. However, don’t expect any explanations. I think the scary stuff comes from watching the movie from a psychological perspective. It shows you the different ways people cope when they are trapped, scared, and faced with the unknown. The ending is also frightening when you think about what happens beyond the ending of the movie.
I’m really thinking this movie should have been named best picture. Daniel Day-Lewis certainly deserved Best Actor. There are even some funny moments in it. This is what happens when a practical businessman butts heads with a religious zealot. The scene where he explains to the town people why he’s drilling for oil there and the benefits they will reap was largely improvised. The only major drawback is the DVD packaging. It sucks. Best line: “I’m finished!!!”
4. Closer
Not a big fan of Julia Roberts or Jude Law. HUGE fan of Clive Owen and I always like Natalie Portman. If you want to see Clive as a snarky, vulgar hooligan, this is for you. It really does take a good look at relationships and the games men and women can play. I think it also asks the questions: Who are we, really? and Do we really get to know one another as well as we think we do?
I consider myself lucky. I work at a university and can check out DVDs from the library for free. The collection is a pretty good one, and it’s growing. The only problems arise when a particular title is restricted to a 3 hour or 7 hour loan. Then you get to use a viewing station on the second floor. Oh well, as long as the people there don’t mind me watching Salo where everyone can see it…
There are many times when I can be accused (accurately) of intensely disliking men. I beg your indulgence to allow me to explain. For the most part, I know for certain that I don’t understand their thinking. The times when I do understand their thinking, I find myself annoyed and disturbed by it. So, please, settle in and allow me to tell you a story.
A few months ago, I started a new job, and I love it. I’m amazed at how it feels to not intensely hate going into work in the morning. At my previous job, I was employed for just over 5 years. It was a good training ground. Unfortunately, that’s about all I can say about that place. I don’t miss it at all. I started working there as a temporary employee with a string or two pulled by a friend’s mother who is one of the higher-ups there. I took it from there, and, luckily, was competent enough to prove myself and get a full-time position there. I can count on one hand the number of people who knew that I was a friend of her son’s. This new job offer was quite unexpected. I interviewed, and 3 weeks later I started the new job.
On the last day, my office decided to hold a going away luncheon for me. It was a nice gesture, and I did appreciate the effort, but I didn’t want it. I hated the place and was ready to go. Someone whom I worked with from time to time stopped by for lunch, and he ended up mentioning that my friend would be getting married later this year. I was quite sure this person was mistaken, confusing my friend with his brother. I should insert here that my friend and I emailed each other multiple times on a daily basis, talked on the phone about once a week, and we had gotten together for dinner just 2 weeks before. We’ve known each other since college (about 15 years).
I sent him an email asking him about his impeding nuptials. It was pretty lighthearted, non-accusatory. Imagine my shock when he did confirm he was planning to get married. No where in the email did he say anything about loving her, just that he “thinks it’s the right thing to do.” Now, he certainly isn’t obligated to tell me every detail of his life, but the reason I was so shocked is that I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend, much less been dating someone long enough to contemplate marrying them. Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic, but I thought that type of thing was something that friends knew about one another.
When I pointed out to him that it was very disconcerting to find out everything in this manner, he shared that he thought it was always hard to get to know what I was thinking and that I don’t share very much about my life. He didn’t think I would be interested in knowing about all this, but he wasn’t trying to hide anything from me. Oh, really? If he isn’t trying to hide anything from me, he’s probably hiding something from his fiancé. I think that would be me he’s trying to hide. I know that I don’t share a whole lot about what is going on in my life. Primarily because there is NOTHING going on in my life. Nobody wants to hear about my cats. Nobody wants to hear about how I’ve over-committed myself to different things I’m involved with. Nobody wants to hear about my unexciting days at work. There really isn’t anything or anyone going on in my life that would be of tremendous interest. I’m just your average, boring person. Plus, if he thinks that I don’t share much about my life, THEN WHY THE F*** HAS HE CONTINUED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME FOR 15 YEARS????????
The person I really feel sorry for is his fiancé. What else hasn’t he told her? I have no doubt that she knows nothing of me. You can’t expect her to be happy to find out that, oh, by the way, here’s a female friend I’ve had for 15 years that you know nothing about and I’m inviting her to the wedding. My experience has been that when people are madly in love, they want the whole world to know and they share it with everyone.
I’ve made it clear not to invite me to the wedding because I will not come. Yes, perhaps it’s a rotten thing to do, but, keep in mind that I’ve thought him to be single this entire time. Whenever we’ve gotten together, he’s done some inappropriate things to me. I should have told him “no”, but, believe it or not, sometimes when you find yourself in that situation it can be confusing and you don’t know how to get out of it. I’ve never been interested in him, and never done or said anything to lead him to believe I was. His definition of leading him on must be that I was simply there. I just don’t think his actions are those of someone ready to get married. The one person you don’t want to have as a guest at your wedding is the person who can stand up and say, “Oh yeah, I know EXACTLY why this couple shouldn’t get married.” I am that person.
I just can’t understand why somebody would do something like this. He’s created a very hurtful, deceitful situation. If he doesn’t want to get married, then don’t do it. Call it off. We haven’t spoken for several months. I want nothing to do with the situation. He can have the privilege of explaining to his parents and our mutual friends why I’m not there. He can tell them whatever he wants; I really don’t care. But I know what really happened, and so does he.
So, here is example number 1 of things men do to make me dislike them. Take it however you want. Thanks for letting me share.
I should be working. Obviously, I'm not. Rainy Day + Final Exams - (Supervisor + All Immediate Co-workers) = I'm in Charge. How disturbing is that?
How I got here...........for a really long time, friends (the few that I have left) have asked me, "How's the book coming?" I'm not a writer by any means, some people just think that I have some stories to tell. I suppose this should be an outlet. Not that I'm expecting anyone to read this thing. :) What do I intend to do with this? No idea whatsoever. I suppose just to share my observations.
For now, I'll just share the radio station that I've discovered and I've started listening to at work. It makes me feel cool:
Music I Play at Work
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